Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to me
Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to me

Holly sat daydreaming at her computer, singing along quietly with the radio. She'd been working on the email for over an hour, but her mind kept drifting. Every song that came on the radio reminded her of Clay. She had felt awful since that night, when she pushed away from him. She knew in her heart that she'd hurt his feelings, and at some point she should probably explain herself, but when?

Stop it, Holly. This is crazy. You have way too much work to do to sit here like this. She drummed her fingers on the keyboard as she read over what she'd written. "Don't miss Suzanne's new evening classes in Hatha Yoga." Schedule�blah, blah, blah. "Starting on the 24th, Sunday mornings are heating up with Latin rhythms. Esmeralda will take you through the basics of salsa, merengue, tango, and all your favorites." She checked her notes and added the time for the new Sunday class to the email, but by the time she finished typing it, a new song had started, and she was singing along.

Lying in my bed
I hear the clock tick
And think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new

She minimized her email browser to look for a moment at the picture she'd made her desktop wallpaper. A week or so ago, her curiosity had gotten the better of her, and she did an internet search of his name. She was amazed to find so many websites full of beautiful pictures of him. This one had grabbed hold of her, and she had to have it, to look at it every day. She was embarrassed to let any of the girls who worked for her see it, and she'd turned her monitor so that she'd have time to cover the picture if one of them were to walk in when she was looking at it.

Her fingers lightly brushed against the screen, following the edge of a tiny green t-shirt, then up along his strong jawline. She gazed into those eyes, filled with intensity and mystery, and felt her heart jump, as it always did when she looked at this picture.

When you're lost you can look
And you will find me
Time after time
When you fall I will catch you
I will be waiting
Time after time

"Huh. I never took you for a Cyndi Lauper fan."

Her hand moved so quickly to open her email window, she nearly knocked over her coffee mug. "Hi Clay. Oh crap, what did I do?" She blotted a small puddle of coffee that splashed onto her notes. "Don't you like Cyndi Lauper?"

He smiled, leaning against the doorway, and wondering why she had been so startled when he came in. "Sure I do. I just didn't think�you don't seem like the type. I don't know. It's not important. Can I come in?" He hugged a plastic grocery bag to his chest. "I have your pants."

Holly laughed. "Hey, you should say that a little louder. I think the girls would enjoy thinking that I had finally gotten�well�"

He shoved his hand deep into the pocket of his jeans, his mouth twisting into a naughty smirk before he turned his head to direct his voice down the hallway. "I brought your pants back, Holly. The pants you left at my�"

"Shhh!! Oh my God, I didn't mean it. You are so bad." She wadded up a piece of paper and threw it at him. "Get in here before you get me into trouble."

He bent down to pick up the ball of paper, then tossed it into the trashcan against the wall. He sat down in the chair across from her and stretched his long legs in front of him. "So what are you doing today?"

She glanced at her monitor. Oh, nothing much�just picturing you naked. "Trying to finish up an email to all our students. You know, schedule changes, upcoming events, that sort of thing. How about�uh, if you can hang for a second, let me get this sent�" She glanced at the radio as a new song started. "Oh my God, I love this song!"

Highway run
Into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round
You're on my mind

She winked at him, then turned to her keyboard. She resisted the urge to sing along as she tried to focus on the email.

Clay smiled to himself. A Journey fan, too? He looked around her office. She was surrounded by huge, colorful posters, and shelves filled with books, knickknacks, and framed pictures. Moving Toward Balance. The Love Poems of Rumi. This Darned Elusive Happiness�that's a great title. Walt Whitman. Hmmm�she's holding a baby in that picture. Wow, she looks so beautiful there. Where is that one�Golden Gate Bridge, maybe? No, what's that other bridge in San Francisco�well, she's in San Francisco, anyway. He couldn't help noticing one photo in a silver frame�it showed Holly standing in the parking lot outside DanceSpace holding up a sheet of paper. She was smiling there, but didn't appear happy. He glanced over at her, seeing her silently mouthing the words to the song with a sweet, tiny smile. Such a difference. I wonder what was going on when that picture was taken�and why she'd keep it displayed like that?

Her eyes darted quickly towards him as she tried to sneak a quick look, and he pretended to be looking at a small sculpture on her desk. He started to pick it up, then looked up at her inquisitively.

"Go ahead. It's pretty isn't it?"

He took it into his hands and turned it around. It was a sculpture of a hand, with rings on every finger, and the palm facing outward. He traced the flower-shaped design on the palm with his finger. "It's really pretty. What is it?"

She rested her chin in her hand as she watched him studying it. "It's from Thailand. It's Buddha's hand. It's sort of a protector." She could tell what he was thinking, and answered his question before he could ask it. "I'm not Buddhist. Not really. I'm not really anything, I guess. But I love that sculpture. It makes me feel happy and safe. It's helped me through�well, a lot of stuff."

Clay could sense she was starting to feel uncomfortable and tried to break the tension in the room. "And yet, here you are, the big Journey fan and all�" he said with a wink, as he sat the sculpture back on her desk.

She gasped in mock surprise. "What? Why are you so surprised by this music?" She caught him glancing around the room, then looked around herself, seeing all the spiritual art and books, the huge posters of Ganesh and Guan Yin, and the Mayan calendar. "Ah�I see. Well, looks like you caught me. I'm a fraud. I'm just a Valley Girl pretending to be deep."

He couldn't help but giggle. "That's it. The jig is up, Holly. Now, are you gonna come quietly?"

Her voice sunk to a husky whisper. "Never."

They were both, at once, embarrassed and titillated. She immediately went back to her email, fumbling as she added her web address with trembling fingers, while he looked down at the bag in his lap and felt the tops of his ears burning.

"Finally!" Holly finished the email and sent it out. She looked over at Clay, and could see he was blushing. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I mean, it was entirely inappropriate, and�"

"Well, not entirely�" he mumbled.

. Without thinking, she closed her email browser, exposing the picture of him. She frantically jabbed at the monitor button, switching it off. He could tell she was on edge, and he wished he knew why�but he secretly hoped it had something to do with him, because she made him nervous, too.

She took a deep breath, turned to him, and drummed her hands on her desk. "You wanna get out of here? Get some air? Bubble tea?"

"Bubble what?"

She jumped up excitedly from behind her desk. "Oh, it's great. You'll love it. It's kind of a tea smoothie, but with these little lumps of tapioca in it. And not only tea ones, they have other kinds, too."

He made a face. "That sounds�weird."

She put her hands on her hips. "Yeah, well, I'm weird, and I like it. You think you're weird enough to try it? I mean, unless you have somewhere you need to be�I mean, I just thought I kinda wanted to go around the corner and�"

He stood up. "I'm up for it, as long as it won't kill me." He held out the bag that had been sitting in his lap, dangling it from his finger. "Your pants, ma'am."

Holly walked around the desk and slid her finger along his as she took the bag from him. "What have I told you about calling me that?" He smiled as she flung the bag into her chair, then held his hand out to take hers.

"Shall we?"

She placed her hand into his, but dropped it as they began to walk down the hall. She was nervous about any of her employees or students seeing her holding his hand. She put enough pressure on herself every day to invite any more from the outside.

"One second, then we'll go, okay?" She had a quiet discussion with the woman behind the counter, and Clay took a few steps away from them, looking through the triangular windows into the studio. A silver-haired woman was leading a class of about a dozen students of all shapes, sizes, and ages. They were moving slowly and gracefully from side to side, occasionally stopping and standing, perfectly balanced, on one foot, then the other. He felt Holly's gaze, and he turned and saw her smiling at him, then she whispered to him. "Let's go."

As they stepped out into the sunny afternoon, he did a quick scan of the area, as he'd learned to do whenever he went outside. "Nope�no cameras that I can see."

"Is that a big problem for you? People waiting outside for you?" Holly touched his arm to get his attention, then began to walk around the side of the building. "Shortcut."

It took only a few long strides to get alongside her, and he stuffed his hands into his pockets as they walked. "It's getting to be a problem, yeah. At first, I was kinda amused by it, but now it's just�annoying. The thing I was most worried about today, though, was that you were with me. If somebody got a picture of us walking together, and it got out on the internet or something, suddenly there would be all these people trying to figure out who you are, trying to figure out where the picture was taken�you don't need that." He looked back over his shoulder as they cut back towards the street again. "Looks like we're okay, though. This neighborhood shouldn't be a problem."

They passed a couple of small, friendly-looking shops before reaching the caf� at the other end of the block. She giggled as she ran ahead to open the door for him, inviting him inside with a small curtsey. After he let her help him choose a drink, and she ordered her usual, they sat at a corner table away from the window.

Clay looked around at the funky retro-Asian d�cor. "This place is really nice. And they seem to know you�do you come here a lot?"

"A few times a week. Sometimes I grab takeout here for dinner. Fantastic food. Do you like Thai?"

"I'm not sure if I've ever had it. I mean, I've gone to places with lots of different Asian stuff, so I'm not sure which is which sometimes. Maybe I should come here for lunch�you could come with me and help me decide what to order." Holly seemed to wilt in her chair as she leaned forward with her elbows on the table. "What's the matter?"

"I don't know if that's such a good idea. I mean, isn't it wrong for me to�to spend time outside of class with one of my students?"

Clay cocked his head to the side and smiled. "You mean like now?"

"Maybe. I mean, no�this is different, I think�it's just that�" She took a deep breath and sat up straight. "It's just that I've seen too much�oh, what's the word�impropriety. There are a lot of bad people out there and I don't want to be one of them."

The teenaged girl from behind the counter arrived with their smoothies. "Mango with pearls, and chocolate with pearls. If you need anything, let me know."

Holly smiled at the waitress and nudged Clay's mango smoothie towards him. "Thanks, Mimi." She watched him shoving the large round blobs of tapioca around the bottom of his cup with his straw. "If the pearls freak you out too much, just hold the straw up so they won't get sucked in, and just drink the liquid. When you're feeling brave, let one come up through the straw and try it. It's weird, but it's really good. Here, let me show you." She placed the straw between her lips and drew on it just enough to bring one pearl into her mouth, then she stuck out her tongue to show it to him. When she chewed it up and swallowed it, she rubbed her stomach in a little circle. "See? Yummy."

He giggled and decided to be brave. He took a small sip of the mango puree, then dipped the straw down to pick up a pearl. When it hit his tongue, he winced, then rolled it to the end of his tongue, sticking it out and wiggling it at her to make her laugh. "Okay, this isn't bad at all. You're right, though�it is kinda weird. But I can't knock it, because it tastes really good." He took another sip and sat back in his chair, stretching one leg out towards her. "I was noticing in your office that you had a picture where you were standing in front of the studio�"

"You mean the one where I'm holding up the contract?"

"Is that what that was? I couldn't tell."

She stirred her drink with her straw. "Yeah�that was a very important day in my life. Most of my pictures in my office represent important days�the birth of my niece, stuff like that."

He remembered the picture of her looking so beautiful holding a baby. "Oh�I was wondering, you know, about the baby. So she's not yours?"

"Oh no, no kids for me. Haven't had the opportunity."

"Do you want kids?"

"I didn't think I did. But when Emily was born, everything changed. My whole perspective changed. Well, like I said�important day. And a very happy one." She rested her head in her palm and let out a small sigh. "Looking at that picture reminds me of where I was then�emotionally, spiritually, you know. And it helps keep me focused on now."

"So what about that other one�the one with the contract. Was that a happy day?"

"Sort of. I mean, ultimately it was, but at the time�that was the day I bought out Daniel's share of the business and DanceSpace was all mine."

Clay set his cup down and beamed at her. "Wow�that's great. But why wasn't it a happy occasion? I mean�you didn't look too happy."

"You don't think so?"

He crossed his arms in front of him on the table and leaned towards her. "Well, I've seen you smile. I think I've seen you happy. But in that picture�it's just not the same smile."

Holly nervously fidgeted with her hair. Wow�he's pretty perceptive. "Um�yeah. I was faking it. I mean, there was some relief there, because it was finally over, but�it wasn't a happy day, no."

Clay picked up his drink and swirled his straw around in it. "Why not?" He absent-mindedly took too big a sip, and sucked up a mouthful of tapioca. Holly laughed as he tried to swallow it all without choking. She decided to tell him her story to give him time to deal with it.

"Okay, Dan and I, we started DanceSpace together. Long time ago. It was his idea really�I'd been teaching dance, mostly to kids, around town for a few years, and he'd decided he wanted to teach, too. He'd never taught before, and although he was a great dancer, he didn't really have the credentials�but he really wanted to teach. Plus, he didn't really like working for people. Wanted to be the boss, you know? So he found an investor and we found the space and we opened the studio. He got the money together really quickly�he's the kind who could talk anybody into anything. Well, long story short, turns out he�well he wasn't really cut out for teaching." She sat back and crossed her arms, her eyes down on the table. "Turns out his motives were, shall we say, suspect."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh wow�well, part of it was that he seemed to really want to work with me. Not because he wanted to spend more time together, but because he�well, he didn't trust me. Wanted to keep an eye on me. And then there was what turned out to be a bit of a bad work ethic. I think some people just want to be the boss because they think that being the boss means they don't have to do a whole lot. And then he�" Her voice became very quiet and she looked away, towards the window. "He had a lot of�well, he screwed around with a bunch of students."

Clay leaned forward, wishing there weren't a table between them. "Oh, Holly. I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, well�you put someone tall and gorgeous and talented like that in front of a room filled with young, impressionable�well, I can't excuse any of it, but I guess I understand it. I mean, my putting up with his crap for so long went right along with the way those girls looked at him. He was an artist and beautiful and I was young and stupid and just ate it all up." She hugged herself and leaned towards Clay again, and when she looked up at him, he could see her eyes beginning to tear up. "Anyway, the studio was something I wasn't willing to give up, and I worked really hard to keep it. I finally got the strength to throw him out, but he was still part owner�plus he was the one who'd lined up the original investment, so�let's just say it took a long time to get out from under him. Even though our relationship had ended, he still had a hold on me�until that day. And, you know, even though it's all mine now�it's like he's still there. It's kinda stupid, but every time I say the name out loud�DanceSpace�I hear it in my head as 'Dan's Space'. Total coincidence, we never named it like that on purpose�but God, some days, when I'm feeling bad, I just want to change the name�which would be bad business-wise, because you don't just change the name of a business in mid-stream like that. And I like to think of myself as a good businesswoman. I learned how to run the place, how to hire good people and take care of them, and how to be a better teacher through it all. Becoming independent really made a difference for me."

"Well, you know I think you're an amazing teacher. John's already sick of hearing how great you are."

She laughed and reached her hand towards him, across the table. "Thank you. I really do appreciate it. But it's been my pleasure, honestly. And he's pretty sick of hearing how great you are, too."

He took her hand and stroked the back of her knuckles with his thumb, looking into her deep brown eyes. "So�you tell John about me? What have you been saying?"

She felt a wave of warmth flow over her entire body as she looked up from their joined hands and saw the way he was looking at her. What I've told John isn't even the half of it. I could never tell him how I really feel about you. How I think about you every day and dream about you at night. How I fantasize about you, then beat myself up over it. "I told him what a natural you are, and how you just�come alive when you relax and just let it out." She rolled her hand over, turning her palm up and wrapping her fingers around his thumb, kneading it gently. "I also told him that you're so good it may not take as long as we'd originally thought."

Clay reached forward with his other hand and stroked her forearm. "Trying to get rid of me already, huh? I was hoping to keep our private sessions going for a long time�I know there's a lot you can teach me, Holly."

Hearing him say that caused her to let go of his thumb and pull her hand back slowly. "I'm sorry�this is just what I was afraid of. I don't think I can�"

Now that Clay had some understanding of her fears, he wasn't going to let her back away this time. "I won't be your student forever, Holly. And you're not Dan. You're not taking advantage of anyone, and you're not doing anything wrong." A tear cascaded down her cheek and she shook her head. "The other night, and yesterday�I was just dying, Holly. I thought I'd made a complete fool of myself, a huge mistake. I thought�well, I thought I'd misinterpreted things, and maybe you were pushing me out for good. It's silly, but somehow having that pair of pants to return to you�it gave me a way to see you again, you know, even if�" Even if you didn't have the same feelings for me. But you do, don't you? That's why you're so freaked out right now. Oh boy, I've got to make her smile again. "Oh, by the way, about the pants�I guess I should probably tell you, um�the other night wasn't, um�common. I mean, the way I was, you know�dressed."

She wiped the tear from her cheek and smiled. "Or not dressed, you mean?"

He giggled and shifted in his chair. "Yeah, well�you know, I'm a guy, and�laundry and stuff. Some days it's just�well, that's not important. I just wanted you to know that I don't usually, um�go without. Well, not without that. Going without�well, that's another story."

"Oh you don't have to tell me about 'going without'�I'm very familiar with that!" She picked up her drink and finished off the last of the tapioca pearls at the bottom. "I haven't�I mean, it's been, like, four years�oh wow, has it been that long? Nobody since�well, since I kicked Daniel out." She took out the straw and tipped the cup back to get the last of the smoothie.

"Four years�that's a long time." He took her cup and set his inside it, sliding them both to the edge of the table. "How come you haven't�sorry, I shouldn't ask you that."

She leaned towards him a little, with a smile to reassure him that he could ask her anything. "Sometimes I meet people�men, I mean. They're not usually�okay, in my business, it's mostly women who come in to take classes. Sometimes it's men, but they're usually not�well, straight. Don't get me wrong�sometimes they are, but that's a small number to choose from, and the chances of�well, you know what I'm saying, right?"

"Gotcha."

"Obviously I don't feel comfortable with the idea of seeing someone outside of class. And when you add to that the fact that I really have no life�I spend pretty much all day every day at the studio, and most of the time when I get free time to go out, well, hanging out with gay men doesn't exactly do anything for my sex life." She smiled at Clay's reaction. He seemed a little shy just then, looking down at his hands and giggling, but there was something underneath the surface. Something that made her heart jump a little.

"Oddly enough, that sounds just like my life for the past year or so! It's really hard to meet people when you're working all the time�and then there's that whole 'pen in the company ink' thing. I completely understand." He leaned both his elbows, side by side, on the table, interlocking his fingers near his chin, and looked into her eyes. "But that's not what we've got here, is it?"

Holly was frozen in his gaze. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "But, I'm your teacher�"

"Not for long. I'm not saying I don't need any more help, but�if I had to choose between dancing lessons and you�it's no contest." He let his hands fall to the table, his long arms almost reaching her. "One more class. That's it. Dance with me one more time as my teacher�and then after that, you'll dance with me as my girl." Look at her. She's trembling. I can't believe this could actually happen.

Her head was spinning. She wanted him. Wanted him more than any man she could remember. Sitting there, shaking, the object of his focus, she couldn't break free from him. He opened his hand, and instinctively she placed hers inside it. As his fingers wrapped around hers, she took a deep breath to try to calm herself.

"I'm sure you had things planned for class for next week�the week after�if we had just one more class, what would it be? What would you give me for my final exam?" He let his fingers slide up to her wrist, then lightly stroked the soft, pale skin on the inside of her forearm. "Okay, you just think about it. Call me in the next couple days and let me know what I need to do. Then Wednesday night, we'll have our last class." He pushed his chair back and stood up, slipping his fingers around her hand again. "You'll call me?"

Holly heard herself say, "Sure�I'll call you tomorrow." As she watched Clay stride confidently away, looking back at her for a moment as he passed through the doorway, she felt herself engulfed by heat. His final exam...he's probably ready for it�but am I?