2004-06-01 - 9:31 p.m.

The elevator doors finally closed, and he was alone. Or as alone as he would ever be when out in a strange city.

"Well, that was fun," Clay said sarcastically to his bodyguard, who was shaking his head.

"I'm really sorry about that. I didn't think things would get out of hand that way."

"Hey, it happens, I guess," Clay said, putting his hand on his arm to reassure him. "I'm glad you were here. I doubt I would have handled it well on my own." It had been an awfully long day, and he was exhausted. Surely it was evident in his face and his demeanor that night, but somehow the fans in the lobby weren't aware of it, or didn't care. No, no�he wasn't going to let himself think like that. They were just excited. Too excited to get the not-so-subtle meaning of an elevator door opening, a wave, and a "thanks so much, good night."

"That girl jumping into the elevator with us was pretty creepy, though. I mean, not that she was gonna hurt me or anything, but jeez�" They both laughed. "I mean, hello�what did she think was gonna happen? I am NOT inviting you up to my room, honey." He imagined that girl telling her friends about the incident, about being removed from the elevator by a very large man, and starting to cry. This was the kind of thing he never wanted to happen. He was convinced that stories would spread all over the internet about how rude he was, how he didn't sign autographs for more than a couple people, how he walked right past fans without a word or a look, how he had made a girl cry, and not in a good way. I hope they don't make me give back that award for good manners after tonight, he thought.

The doors opened again, onto an empty, silent hallway. They rounded the corner and headed towards their rooms. Clay said goodnight as his bodyguard unlocked his own door, and continued down the hallway, hearing the faint echo of barking as he approached his door.

"Shhhh!" he said as he fiddled with the keycard, trying to get the light to turn green. "Raleigh, hush!" After three tries, the door finally unlocked and he stepped inside.

After taking off his jacket and tossing it, along with a shopping bag, on a nearby chair, he unlatched the door on the crate and let Raleigh out. She jumped into his arms and he put her on the bed next to him. "It's okay, calm down, honey�Daddy's home." She rolled over onto her back for him to rub her belly. He obliged, giggling and talking to her as she licked his chin, and then he noticed the smell coming from the crate.

"Oh Lord, what have you done?" He sat up and saw that she'd obviously been in the crate too long. Not her fault, not her fault, I should have made sure someone came back to let her out. Oh, that is just gross. "I'm sorry, honey," he said, cleaning up the mess. "It's all my fault. I left you alone too long. I should have figured out a way to take you with me. If I'd known we were gonna get stuck in that meeting all day�"

Clay walked over to the window and opened the drapes. It was a nice night. Too bad he couldn't enjoy it much running from one door to another. He looked across the street at an office building, noticing some people through lit windows, sitting at their desks, working late. I wonder if that guy could see me if he looked up here right now, he thought. Soon his mind was filled with images of someone out there with a zoom lens, knowing he was staying in the hotel, trying to figure out which room he was in, looking from window to window�and he shut the drapes.

He flopped down on the bed again, and Raleigh jumped on his stomach. "Oof, you're getting so big. I don't suppose you need to go out now, do you?" He rolled over onto his side and curled up around her, and she circled for a minute under his arm and finally settled down. "It's probably good that you weren't with me, though�things got pretty crazy downstairs. You don't have to go through that just because you're my dog. Imagine what they would have done if they saw you! The cutest puppy in the whole world! They would never be able to control themselves with such a cute little girl in the room!" Raleigh's tail thumped on the bed and he smiled at her. "Daddy needs a day off, doesn't he? Daddy needs�" his voice trailed off out of embarrassment. Daddy needs a human to talk to, that's what Daddy needs. And some peace and quiet. And some music.

He spotted his MP3 player on the bed nearby, where he'd left it that morning. Without disturbing Raleigh, he pulled it towards himself, stuck one of the earphones in, and hit "random."

"1 2 3 4! My baby don't mess around because she loves me so and this I know fo sho..."

Nope, not tonight. He pressed "random" again.

"Whatcha doin' tonight, I wish I could be�"

Oh God, why did I ever put that in there? Come on, third time's the charm�

"When this old world starts getting me down, and people are just to much for me to face�"

James Taylor. Perfect.

"I climb way up to the top of the stair, and all my cares just drift out into space�"

Clay closed his eyes and began to relax.

"On the roof it's peaceful as can be�and there the world below can't bother me�"

He rolled onto his back, put in the other earphone, and let the song take him.

"So when I come home feeling tired and beat, I�ll go up where the air is fresh and sweet�I�ll get far away from the hustling crowd, and all the rat-race noise down in the street�"

Clay began to quietly sing along, his right hand making subtle strumming movements. And as he sang, an idea occurred to him, and soon he was calling the front desk, asking if there was some way that he could go up to the roof of the hotel.

He laughed when the desk clerk asked him if he was planning on jumping. "Oh no, I'm just really needing a breath of fresh air, and it's probably not a good idea to come back into the lobby." He then asked how the situation was down there, and apologized for causing such a stir. Apparently there were still quite a few women camped out down there, now that they knew for sure he was staying in that hotel. He apologized again, and the desk clerk joked about what a killing they would make selling coffee tonight. Then she told him she'd send someone up to show him the roof access in a few minutes. He checked to make sure he could take Raleigh up there if he needed to, on her leash, just so she wouldn't be alone. The clerk said she didn't know of any reason why not, but he'd have to keep an eye on her, which would be tricky up there in the dark. Clay thanked her, apologized again for being so much trouble, and hung up the phone.

He turned to look at Raleigh, who was now asleep. He picked her up and hugged her, and she twitched in that cute Raleigh way, then went limp again. He tried hard not to wake her, carefully clipping the lead to her collar and bundling it up underneath her in his arms.

It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door. The puppy stirred, but she was so comfortable and content she drifted off again. Clay picked up his jacket and strode towards the door, humming to himself. He caught himself just before opening the door and peered through the peephole. The older gentleman outside wasn't likely to be a stalker.

"You wanted access to the roof?" the man said when the door opened.

"Yes, sir," Clay said. "I sure do appreciate this."

"It's Max, and it's no trouble at all, son."

Clay couldn't help but smile as he shut the door behind him. "It's nice to meet you Max. I'm Clay." He put out his hand and they shook, then Clay followed him down the hall. "I hate to be a bother at this time of night, and I'm sure this is a weird request, but I was feeling a little stir crazy today."

"There's a lot of crazy in the hotel tonight, but you probably saw all those people downstairs," Max stopped short. "Oh, wait�I knew you looked familiar�you're that singer." He began to walk again, patting Clay on the shoulder. "Very nice, very nice�you know my daughter likes your record a lot. Come to think of it, my wife likes it too." They both shook their heads and laughed, then each noticed the other and laughed again.

Max opened the door to the stairway and motioned for Clay to go through. Clay insisted Max take the lead. "Nice young man�I don't know how you put up with all that screaming. But I guess the perks make it worth it, huh?" Max elbowed him with a wink before starting up the stairs.

"The perks? Oh no, nothing like that. Oh Lord, no. Most of the time it's fine, but some nights�well, tonight I just wasn't in the mood, you know? I tried, but I was in these meetings all day and�" Clay imagined how hard Max must work, and the long hours, and felt guilty for complaining about women throwing themselves at him. "I'm sorry, it's silly to complain about this, it's just...I don't get a lot of time for myself, and even my time doesn't feel like mine any more. I just need some time to be quiet and alone for a while."

Max paused on the stairs, looking up at the roof access door above them. He didn't know this was about being alone. Should he tell him?

Clay caught up to Max and noticed he'd stopped. "Is everything all right?"

"Oh�just�my knees aren't what they used to be. It's quiet up there, I guess. Quiet enough for downtown." Max continued up the stairs and fiddled with the latch on the door. "Here you go. The door's unlocked so you can get back in. Just call down to the desk to let me know when you're done." Clay shook Max's hand again and thanked him.

The first thing Clay noticed when he stepped out onto the roof was the dark. The desk clerk wasn't kidding. There was a little bit of light towards the front of the hotel, near the big sign, but the only light where he was standing was reflected off of the other buildings. It would be fine once his eyes got adjusted, and Raleigh was still sleeping, so he wouldn�t have to keep up with her.

He moved carefully to the edge of the building and looked around, feeling the crunch of asphalt and gravel under his feet. He saw that office building he'd been looking at before, only now he was looking down at it. He leaned over a bit to see how high up he was. Nobody's ever gonna see me up here. This is great.

He reached awkwardly into his pocket and pulled out his cellphone. Kim probably wasn't home, but he wanted to talk to someone�someone who could understand. Maybe he'd be lucky for once today�and he got her voicemail.

"Hey, it's me. Just checking in to see how you were doing. Had a crappy day, I'll tell you more about it later�I guess I'll call you tomorrow�"

Clay thought he saw some movement out of the corner of his eye, but he figured it must have been a pigeon or something. Maybe light from another building?

"Um�sorry, got distracted for a second. I guess that's it. I'll catch ya later. Bye."

He started to walk in the direction of whatever it was he saw. His eyes were starting to adjust to the dim light, but it was still hard to know what he was seeing up there. It didn't make any sense that anyone else could be up there on the roof with him, but somehow he could feel it, he could sense that he wasn't alone, that strange feeling he'd get sometimes when�and then he knew it. He heard something that sounded like keys fall and a hushed voice.

"Shit!"

He smiled to himself and he took a few steps closer. "Hello? Are you okay?"

She grabbed her keys and stood up, suddenly, quite embarrassed. "Oh my god, I was trying to be quiet. I figured you didn't know I was here and I didn�t want to startle you."

"No, it's okay," he said, straining to see her. "I kind of�"

"I heard you talking on the phone when you came out here. I thought maybe I should get my key card thing out of my pocket in case I was gonna make a break for it and sneak back down without you seeing me. Then my keys got caught on my sweater and came out of my pocket and�ugh. Did you ever have one of those days?"

Clay laughed and shook his head. "Oh yeah, just had one."

"Sucks, don't it? I mean, those days when you try and try and everything just�" She peered at him through the darkness. "What are you holding?"

Clay held Raleigh up a little higher. "My dog." She started to squirm a little. "Who appears to be waking up. Are you awake, little girl?"

"Oh, hope I didn't wake her, poor puppy."

"It's about time she woke up anyway. My arm was going to sleep." Clay set her down to let her sniff around, and slid the lead around his wrist. "She's not heavy or anything, you just get to where you're holding your arm so still that you get tensed up. This should be fun for her. New smells to enjoy."

He started to introduce himself, but decided against it, for the time being. Let's see if I can have one conversation today with someone who doesn't know who I am. He slipped on his jacket and turned up the collar. "So, were you up here to get away from it all, too?"

She laughed. "If you'd had the day I just had, you'd be up here in a heartbeat."

"I hope we're not disturbing you. I mean, I could go�"

"Oh no, it's okay�you're not one of the people I came up here to avoid." He seems nice enough, she thought. Sounds pretty cute, too. "Hotel rooftops are my little secret getaway�I guess my secret's blown now, isn't it! My little escape hatch. One of the first things I do when I check in is make friends with a maintenance guy who will let me sneak up here when I need it. I had to get away from my room�everyone calling me and knocking on my door to tell me everything's fine, not to worry�as if I wanted to talk about it some more. Jeez, some people don't take a hint."

Clay stood against the low wall at the edge of the roof, leaning back on his elbows. "So you don't want to talk about it?"

"No, it's not that�it's just�okay, I'm in town for a conference. They were making me do this presentation, which is really not my thing. I mean, I'm the idea girl, you know? I come up with the ideas, I write the proposals, they implement them, things run better, everything's great." Clay smiled to himself, thinking how unusual it is to find someone who sounds like she's from the South but who talks faster than he does. Talks with her hands too. Even in the dark, she was gesturing so big he wasn't missing a thing. "Suddenly this year my boss decides it's about time I got all this big credit for what I do, and I don't really care about that, you know? I mean, the people who matter know who I am, they know what I do�everyone else knowing isn't important. But he wants me to be this big-shot now. Probably to make him look better. I don't know, but I kept telling him I'm not a public speaker. Just the thought of it�horrifying! Don't know how some people can just get up in front of people without having to try hard not to faint." She paused. "I am totally boring you, aren't I? You can't possibly care."

He laughed. "No, no, not at all, you're very interesting."

She walked over and leaned against the wall next to him. "Oh, shut up, you're makin' fun of me now."

"You don't seem like someone who'd be shy in front of people. You're obviously outgoing. And very entertaining," he said with a big smile. And you seem very cute, as best I can tell in this light. He could see that she had wavy hair, and she wasn't very tall. And when the scant light hit just right, he could see her eyes sparkle. He also noticed that whatever it was she was wearing seemed to be low-cut, but once he noticed that, he tried hard not to notice it again.

"It's not about being shy. I mean, I can get shy sometimes, but it's not that. It's more like�total paralyzing fear. Doesn't have to be from being up in front of people, but when it hits you it just hits. Complete and utter panic and loss of normal bodily function. Ever get that?" He shook his head. "Damn lucky. It's awful. Makes the people watching you pay more attention to whether or not you're gonna keel over in a dead faint than listen to what you're saying. And what I was saying today was pretty important to them, but I doubt they heard most of it. I don�t really know, I was kind of in a daze most of the time. I'm not even sure if the PowerPoint thing worked or not. It's all a blur. Anxiety is loads of fun� really lets you know you're alive!" She squatted down to pet Raleigh, who had begun to sniff at her foot. "Hello, puppy�you are so tiny I could just eat you up!!" Raleigh raised up and put her paws on her legs and she scratched her head. "Well, aren't you just the sweetest thing ever?? So, I get back to the hotel and have to fight my way through a bunch of crazy women in the lobby�you probably saw them, looks like an all-girl Star Trek convention down there. Anyway, all night long, I've been getting call after call, and people banging on my door, telling me 'Oh, it was fine, don't worry, they thought you were great,' which is total crap and they know it. How many times do I have to tell them that I'm glad it's over, but I'm ticked off and I just want to curl up and read and be alone? These people should know me better, they've worked with me for six years." She put her face down to the puppy's to get a little fuzzy kiss. "People are just so insensitive, aren't they, little girl? Yes they are. Not like your Daddy, though. He seems like a nice enough guy. He's listening to a total stranger complain, isn't he? Yes he is!"

She looked up at Clay and saw he was laughing. Really laughing. And there was something about him that seemed familiar, but it was difficult to figure out. Terrific smile, though. She started to raise back up and he put a hand down to help her. When she was standing again, she looked down at Raleigh. "Your Daddy is a very nice man. You're a lucky girl!" She let go of his hand, and placed hers on his arm. "Okay, your turn. You listened to my sob story, the least I can do is reciprocate." He looked down at his feet and muttered uncomfortably to himself. "Look, if you don't let it out and I find out you've taken it out on this sweet doggie, I'm gonna take it out of your ass. So spill!"

He turned to look out towards the building across the street, deciding how much he was going to tell her. Best to be general, I guess. She doesn't need to know.

Almost as soon as he began to talk, though, she realized who he was. Seeing him silhouetted against the building behind them, his tall, lanky form hunched over as he looked down towards the street below, she knew. Those women downstairs were there for him. How did she not recognize his voice sooner? Probably because she hardly let him get a word in edgewise.

"Meetings all day. I mean, I knew I was gonna be in these meetings, but they weren't supposed to go on like that, and I didn't know they were gonna be so�I mean, they give me crap all the time that I have to deal with, and sometimes I just get sick of arguing with them, but I have to because it's me out there and I'm not going to let them make me out to be some�something I'm not. How many times do I have to tell them to just trust me and let me do what I want to do? But I guess they don't get paid the big bucks to let people do what they want."

She nodded. "Hey, if it wasn't a little unpleasant, they wouldn't have to pay you. If it was fun you'd do it for free, right?"

Clay laughed. "I used to do it for free. I always thought that you should do something you love to make your living, because it's so much more fulfilling. And I do love it. A lot of it. But it's all the other�ugh�the other garbage you have to go through."

"Silly boy�" she patted his arm. "Don't you know that mixing business with pleasure only ruins the pleasure part? You'll kill what you love by depending on it for money." He looked at her, wide-eyed. "Oh my God, I was just kidding! Oh man, that really wasn't very funny. Look at me, I'll have you throwing yourself over this wall if I don't shut up. And then who's gonna take care of this sweet puppy? I can't have a dog in my apartment!" He put his head down on his forearms and laughed, and she ran her hand along his back, resting her head for a second on his shoulder. "I'm sorry�you were saying?"

He took a deep breath before raising his head again. He was hoping a little that she'd stay where she was with her arm almost around him, but she straightened up and took a couple steps away from him. That's okay, it's a little early for physical contact anyway�I don't even know her name, I shouldn�t be thinking about that.

"It's almost like they�the people I work for�don't seem to want me to be normal any more. Like today I was planning on running an errand while we broke for lunch, even coming back to the hotel for a minute, but once they decided I needed to stay, they were actually trying to get me to send someone else out to do it for me! I mean, how could I ask someone else to go buy my brother a birthday present? I mean, seriously�who does that?"

"They didn't think you should do it for yourself?"

"No! They were acting like we have people who can do that for you, like the idea of making someone else go do something like that isn't just stupid. Like who do they think I am? Or who do they think I think I am? I'm not someone who does that. And what would someone else buy�they don't know him, they'd end up getting him diamond cufflinks or something. Stupid."

She laughed, nodding in agreement. "And they just weren't going to let you out of the meeting for a little bit to go take care of that?"

"I guess they'd decided we were too busy to stop. But they keep me so busy this was gonna be the only chance I had to go out for another week, and if I didn't get it now, I wouldn't get it in the mail in time, and�" Clay put his hands to his head and growled in exasperation. "Wow, look at me complainin' like this�you'd think my life was just awful."

"Yeah, it must be pretty rotten, huh?" She poked at his ribs playfully.

"Oh, yeah, it's horrible," he said, sarcastically.

"So were you able to get it? Your brother's present?"

"What ended up happening was that I just told them I was leaving for a little while because there were just things that had to be done, and they would have to wait. Big diva moment, right?" Clay looked over at her and saw her smile shining in the dim light. He could see she was cocking her head to the side and playing with her hair. Oh man, she is soooo flirting with me! "So, I came back to the hotel because I needed to let Raleigh out of her crate and take her out, but passing by the front, I saw all these people standing around�you know, like all those people in the lobby, only they were outside, too�and I thought�" Watch it, don't let her think those women were down there waiting for you. "�I thought it just looked like a madhouse and I was too frustrated to deal with it, so I called my manager and asked her if she could please send someone to take care of the dog for me. And, you know, I still don't know if anyone actually did, because she left me with a bit of a mess when I got in tonight."

She looked down at Raleigh, who must have gotten bored, because she seemed to be asleep. "Poor girl, she must have felt bad about that. Doggies hate it when they make a mess and know they're not supposed to. Hey, is she sleeping?"

Clay squatted down to check and petted her gently. She was out again. He felt around in the dark and found a pipe nearby he could attach the lead to, clipped it on, and suggested that they should walk a little ways down, to let Raleigh sleep. As they walked, he put his hand on her back to guide her and reminded her to watch her step. When they stopped, she turned to face him, and because his hand was still on her back, he was standing rather close to her. His hand drifted to her waist and she couldn't stop the lump from forming in her throat as she looked up at him. I can't believe he's touching me like this. This can't be happening. But he's just a guy, don't forget. He's just a guy�an incredibly wonderful, talented guy. And tall. And tender. And gorgeous.

She shook herself out of her brief dreamy state. "So what about the present?" she asked quietly.

"Oh, the present!" He was too wrapped up in looking at her just then, and thinking about the shape of her waist under his fingers, and wondering if it would be too forward to touch her hair. "The present. Well, once I decided I wasn't going to stop at the hotel, I told my dri�uh, my ride, you know, the guy who drove me to the hotel, that we needed to stop at this bookstore I'd noticed down the street. It's over�" Clay looked around at the other buildings to get his bearings, then pointed in the direction they'd been driving. "It's over that way, about two blocks down. I'd noticed this morning that it was sort of a used book store, and they had lots of old books in the window, and one that just totally jumped out at me was this book I had as a kid that he was always taking out of my room. Mom got rid of it later�I think she gave it to a kid from our church�but it was such a cool book and he really wouldn't expect it, you know? I just kept thinking about it, like I was meant to find that book today. You know, like it was fate."

"What a great idea�and something some guy from the office would never get for him."

"Exactly. And when I did get back and I had this book with me, a few of the executives looked at me like I was crazy. I mean, I was all excited that I'd been able to find something that cool to surprise him with, and they just looked over at it like�'oh, that's...nice.' I think some of them don't think too highly of me, when it comes down to it. Some people just don't get me, I guess."

"Anyone who would think a present like that wasn't a terrific idea is an idiot," she reassured him. "I'll bet they've never read a real book in their lives and they were just intimidated."

He smiled. "Well, it's kind of a kid's book. It has pictures."

"Some of my favorite books are kid's books. The ones that don't talk down to kids, anyway." She winked at him, realized he probably couldn't see it, and felt a little stupid. Then she thought that maybe he'd been winking at her a lot while they were up there and she just hadn't noticed. She smiled to herself, turning away.

Clay resumed the story of his day. "And then the meetings went on and on, and I was already pretty cranky, and now it was like 1:30 and I hadn't eaten anything all day but the snacky stuff they had in the room, and then they start in on me again�"

"What do you mean? What were they saying?"

He decided to skip the details. There was just no way he could go into that without revealing too much.

"Well, you know how you said that your boss was pushing you to take more credit for the stuff you do just to make a bigger name for himself? Sometimes it's kind of like that. They want me to be bigger for their own gain�I really don't think most of them see me as anything but�a product or something. I know what they say about me when I'm not around. I'm not stupid." He leaned forward against the wall, cradling his chin in his hands.

"Of course you're not. I'm sure they don't think you are. How could they?" She put her arm around him and rubbed his back, whispering, "Is it really that bad?"

"Not really. I mean, it gets frustrating, but this is what I wanted to do. It's something I'm really grateful for, I really am. I shouldn't be complaining about it at all. It's not right. I've been given so much and things have been so amazing lately, and now I'm shutting people out and being rude and�" He wiped his eyes with the edge of his sleeve. "�and when I think about people who don't have what I have�I mean, people who work so hard and hardly have anything to show for it, people who really matter�" His face dropped, and she leaned in to rest her cheek against his shoulder.

"You matter."

"I mean, I work hard and I really care about what I do, but it's not like�" His voice trailed off a little, and then he affected a British accent. "It's not like working in a bloody coal mine, izzit?"

She laughed. "Not bad. You really nailed him."

He stood up, suddenly realizing that he'd just tipped his hand. Her heart was pounding, and she felt a little dizzy.

He turned to face her as her hand dropped from his back. "Huh? Who�?"

It was too late for her to backpedal now. "Um�that was Simon, wasn't it?"

"Wait�you�?" Clay took a few steps backward. "Do you�you know who I�"

She looked down, pretending to look at her feet, even though she really couldn't see them. "Yeah, I know who you are."

go to part two

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