2005-01-18 - 8:24 p.m.
Holly wasn't as chatty as usual before class the next morning, and her students could tell there was something wrong. She was typically so willing to open up to them, since they'd all known each other for so long, and it had been years since they'd seen her this distant.
"Okay…let's get in a circle real quick." She turned the music down and joined them at the center of the room. "Today we're going to focus on…letting go. Make your movements all about release." She sighed and looked down at her feet. "Think about something you need to let go of. Could be an idea. Maybe a person. Maybe…maybe an idea you had about someone that you're realizing isn't…what you thought it would be." She took a deep breath and made herself smile. "Yeah, so…think about something you don't need any more. Something or someone that has served its purpose and needs to go."
She put her hands on her hips and looked around the circle at her students. She could see the concern in their eyes. Oh man, am I really that transparent? Get it together, girl. She clapped once, smiled the most sincere smile she could muster, and turned to start the CD she'd mixed the night before, just for this morning's class. Happy music. Happy happy music. It'll all be better in an hour.
"All right, ladies. Let's dump all that baggage and dance!"
~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~
Clay sighed into the phone as he headed for the door. "One second…Nick's here." When he opened the door, he was surprised to see Steve from the RCA office with a dolly loaded with boxes. "Oh…hey Steve…I thought Nick was bringing those over."
He stepped back out of the way while Steve pushed the dolly into the foyer. "He's a little ways behind me, but there's a lot of traffic out there. There were a lot more boxes than this, so I told him I'd help you guys out. Looks like they're getting the jump on your birthday. Probably some congrats on the nomination, too. Where do you want to go through this stuff?"
"Living room's fine. I cleared off the coffee table. We're trying to get wardrobe squared away…if you'll excuse me for a minute." He pointed at the phone and Steve nodded.
"Is that Holly?"
Clay mouthed John and resumed pacing.
"It's not like we have to match our outfits, do we? This isn't the prom, you know." Clay rolled his eyes at Steve, who chuckled as he opened the first box. "When are you taking her the dresses? No, she hasn't told me. Come on, you know I haven't talked to her in a few days…well, what did she tell you? Fine, don't tell me, I'm gonna try to talk to her later today anyway."
"You'd better," Steve mumbled from behind the t-shirt he'd just unfolded, then added, brightly, "Hey, you've always wanted a shirt with a picture of…um…yourself on it, haven't you?" He turned it around to show Clay, who wasn't in the mood. "I'll put it in John's pile. He loves getting presents."
Clay waved his hand to shush him. "Okay, Friday night for a fitting, after her last class…well, I'll try, but I can't guarantee she's gonna show up…yeah, I know, if she says she's gonna be there, she'll be there. Are you gonna call her, or…"
He got quiet and sat down on the loveseat, rubbing his palm against his forehead. "I know…look, I know…you know I'd never do anything intentionally to screw this up. It's fixable. I'm going to fix it. I just need to figure out exactly what it is, and I'll do it…oh, nice language, John. Seriously, John, calm down. I'll handle it…look, you worry about what she's gonna wear, and I'll worry about…how to keep her from strangling me. Call me if you hear from her, okay? Yeah…bye." He tossed the phone beside him and sighed, glancing over at Steve, who already had piles of stuff all over the larger couch. "Here, gimme one of those boxes, willya?"
Steve shoved a box towards him with his foot. "You know, I probably shouldn't ask, but…I guess you guys haven't made up yet?" Clay shook his head. "Well, this probably doesn't mean much coming from me, with my circle of friends…but you two are, like, the best couple I know. And I'm not just saying that because I kind of work for you."
Clay laughed. "Thanks." He rifled through the box, pulling out letters and stacking them on the coffee table. "It's just kinda weird right now. My mom's coming out for the awards, and Holly just…well, a long time ago, she was all excited about getting to meet her, but now she's convinced that Mom doesn't like her. I think she thinks I've done something to turn Mom against her, but I can't figure out what." Clay looked at the return address on a bright green envelope with interest. "Huh…I have cousins who live there. Anyway, Mom's not being much help either. She keeps telling me that if I love Holly, then she loves her…and now she's worried that Holly might not come around in time, and I'll have to go to the AMAs by myself." He looked out the window, tapping the envelope against his knee. "All I know is, I'm not gonna give up on Holly. I am not giving her up."
His phone rang, and the Caller ID showed Nick's cell number. "Where are you? Steve and I are getting started…yeah, I'm just catching him up on the Holly thing. Did I talk to you since Mom called this morning? Yeah, she was all what about that girl you took the first time? and I said that she…oh, come on…look, Mom's just trying to help, Nick. Come on, it's not like I was seriously considering…what do you mean, meddling…Nick, it's not…" He was clearly getting frustrated, and Steve tried to pretend like he wasn't listening.
"What do you mean, what did I tell her? Mom asked me stuff about Holly all the time, ever since I told her I'd met someone…well, at first, obviously, it was just the basics, you know, she's a dance instructor, I met her through John, yadda yadda…no, I didn't tell her Holly's a Buddhist, because she's not a Buddhist. She just, you know, likes that stuff." Clay got up and began to pace again, while Steve made notations on a steno pad about checks that had come in for the Bubel/Aiken Foundation.
"No, I didn't tell her Holly was a Christian, either. It's complicated. And it's none of Mom's business anyway. No, I didn't tell Mom it wasn't her business…what do you mean why not? Do you know how much crap I would catch if I said something like that to her? There are a lot of things about Holly that aren't Mom's business. I don't tell her everything."
Steve started to wonder if he should excuse himself. Things sounded like they were about to get really personal, and Clay seemed so worked up that he might have forgotten he wasn't alone. Luckily, Raleigh ran to the back door wanting to go out. Clay started to head over to her, but Steve took the opportunity to jump up and offer to take care of it. "I've got her, Clay…don't worry about it."
As soon as Steve stepped with Raleigh out the door, Clay flopped into the armchair in the corner, exasperated and red-faced. "I suppose you tell your mother everything about the girls you go out with, huh? Where you go, what you do, how often you spend the night together? Of course I don't talk about stuff like that. What? What about the wine? Look, they both blew that out of proportion, okay? I told Holly not to worry about it, she was being ridiculous anyway…no, I didn't tell Mom she was being ridiculous, I told Holly that. What do you mean, Mom was the one being ridiculous?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. It's one thing to be up front and honest, but to say that Mom was out of line the other night is just crazy. "Look, I don't know what you're talking about. Just because she doesn't like thinking that we're living together, which we're not…no, we're not! Holly's still got her house, and she's never…she hasn't moved in…a toothbrush and a bag of coffee isn't moving in, Nick. And I'm not gonna give Mom the impression that she's living here when…stop saying that! Jerome has a key, you have a key, and you're not living here. Seriously, what's your point, Nick? Oh, right. Right. I am not afraid of her, and you know it."
The door opened and Raleigh clicked across the wood floor, ready to jump into his lap, but he stood up before he noticed her. Steve shut the door behind him timidly, realizing he'd just walked in on a very awkward moment. "I don't lie to my mother, Nick. There are just some things about me that I don't tell her about, because I don't want her to…no, I don't want her to worry, that's all. This has nothing to do with her being ashamed of me. I'm not doing anything I need to be ashamed of. What? I'm not embarrassed by Holly, how can you say that? She's the best thing that ever happened to me, and if you can't accept…what do you mean tell Mom? Oh, nice. That's very nice. How about you grow the hell up?"
Clay stopped himself from throwing the phone across the room, and Raleigh ran under the coffee table to hide behind the stack of boxes. Steve was frozen at the back door, not knowing if he should say anything, but they did have work to do. "So, uh…is Nick…?"
Clay grabbed his car keys off the kitchen table and stormed towards the front door, shoving his phone into his pocket. "I don't give a rat's ass what Nick's doing. If he shows up, y'all can decide if you feel like going through that stuff or not. I'm going for a drive." He stopped before opening the door, adding, more quietly, "I'm not sure Nick should be here when I get back."
~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~
"Good work today, man," a technician said as Clay passed him, on his way out of the studio. "This album's gonna be great."
Clay smiled as he slipped his arms into his jacket. "Thanks…sorry, what was your name again?"
"Andy."
He took a step towards him and shook his hand. "Thanks a lot, Andy. See you tomorrow."
He pulled his cellphone out to check messages on his way to the elevator. Nick…John…Nick again…and again, jeez Nick, what are you…Holly. Oh my God, I hope she's okay. The elevator took him down to the parking garage, and he decided to wait until he got to his car to listen to her message. The others could wait.
Clay, sweetie. It's me. I, uh…there's something you need to know. Something I haven't told you.
His hand began to shake, so he set the phone in its cradle and put in his earpiece. His heart pounded in his chest. "Oh, honey," he whispered as he heard the sadness in her voice.
For a long time, even when you were still out on the road and I hardly saw you, I was worried about someday meeting your mom. I've always thought she'd…well, maybe she had an idea of the kind of girl she wanted you to end up with. Someone more…appropriate. Someone more like the person she thinks you are. Someone more like her, maybe.
Clay put his hand over his mouth and leaned against the window, closing his eyes.
I'm sure she's too polite to say it, you know? Like she'd never tell me to my face that I'm not the right girl for you. I'm not a little petite blonde who coos and giggles and bats her eyes at you and thinks you're perfect. I don't come from the right kind of family. I'm not the right religion…whatever that means.
His stomach hurt. He shook his head. "Oh my God." How many times did the girls he wanted to go out with not measure up to that…but his mother made it all seem so important…
I don't hang out with "decent people". I drink sometimes, I cuss sometimes…and I have a hard time dealing with people who don't respect me…
"Me too, sweetie."
Maybe she's said something to you, and you don't want me to know, because you don't want to hurt me. Or maybe…maybe you don't want to tell me because that's the kind of girl you always wanted for yourself, and…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, honey, I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't even be thinking that way. You say you love me and you want to be with me, and I believe you. You know I love you, right?
"Always, baby. Forever." He couldn't believe she'd doubt him, even for a second. He'd never given her a reason to think that, had he?
Look, I'm not some little Southern belle debutante type, and I never will be. I know you find all that shit charming and wonderful, but it's not me. And if that's what she wants for you…if that's what you need…well, I can't give you that. And I know your mom means the world to you, and her opinion is really important to you…but I can't stand the thought that you might…that you might think she's right and…well, you kinda think she's right about everything, don't you?
That was it. Holly was right. His mother did want him to marry a Southern girl, and a probably a Baptist one. And he'd always assumed he would, because that's all he knew for so long. Everything outside of North Carolina was foreign and weird, and he hadn't been sure if he could trust it. As soon as he moved to California, he'd surrounded himself with all of the Southerners he could find. But so much had changed for him since he'd left home…and his mother was still there, in the same neighborhood, with the same people. He had a new life now, one she didn't understand…because he kept it from her.
I want to believe that you'd fight for me…for us. The other night, I wasn't so sure you would. I want to believe that what we have is something so important to you that…well, if your mom really doesn't like me, I'm willing to put up with it as long as she treats me well…and she doesn't try to run my life, because nobody runs my life but me…not even you.
Clay smiled through his tears. He loved Holly's independence and stubbornness. She really kept him on his toes, never letting him get away with anything.
I love you so much, baby. And I want to be a part of your family, the way you're a part of mine. Your brother is so great, and I loved spending time with him, but…I just…I'd rather not have a mother-in-law who talks shit about me behind my back. I deserve better than that. And you know what, honey? I am good enough for you. I'm a really good person. I bust my ass to make sure that I always do the right thing…and dammit, if I wasn't a good person, you wouldn't have ever wanted to be with me, and you damn well know it. It has nothing to do with me not going to church, or saying "yes ma'am" and "no sir", or the music I listen to, or if I might be a bad influence on her precious, innocent son…I'm sorry…I don't know if I can say anything else without saying something really terrible. If I haven't already, that is. I just hope you call me soon. I miss your smile…and I hate that I might have taken it from you.
He owed Nick a huge apology. But there was something else more important he needed to do first. He wiped his eyes and nose and took a deep breath as he picked up his phone.
"Holly? Baby, I have something for you…but you need to come over to my house to get it, okay? Yes, I got your message…no, it's…sweetie, this is really important. It's a surprise. I'm leaving the studio right now. I've got to go so I can drive. Come over as soon as you can. Trust me…this is something I need to give you, and I just realized it tonight."
go to part three
